I hate it when strangers try to talk to me in public (e.g., on public transportation, at work). I absolutely do not care what you have to say, what you do, how your day went, how many pets you have, what your hobbies are, or where you spent your holidays, and at the same time, in no way do I want to share any details about my life, not out of privacy or anxiety of speaking but out of sheer annoyance and indifference. However, most of the time I do not want to insult the person that tries to talk to me in any way, so I just stay silent and try to endure this torturous assault until I find a suitable moment to get away.
A tip from a past life working a customer service / food service job:
Learn a few words in a variety of languages. They are great conversation starters / expanders – I made a lot of actual friendships by talking to people (after taking their orders), asking them where they’re from, and then knowing a few words in their language. Nothing makes people happier than hearing someone speak their native language, no matter how poorly.
This was in a university town, so knowing a couple words in Chinese, Arabic, Hindi, etc. was useful.
Sometimes I want to strike up a conversation but get no reaction or even a dismissive glance and get ignored. It feels like the universe has a script and I went off track.
ok it's a bit late but i think a big part is the non-verbal thing you're putting out.
my story is me and my wife moved to another country a few years ago for my study. after 4 months moving there, she already know and conversed with the people working the apartment and some neighbors. while i mostly just exchanged cursories and nods and glances. then one day we just walked out together and the same people i passed earlier just says hello and converse and stuff with my wife and me. yes she's very much an extrovert but i can see people are way 'more open' and my wife has that too. me on the other hand do have 'i don't want to bother you so please don't bother me' vibe.
One of my best stranger conversations talking to a “Big Issue” [1] seller outside a supermarket. As I understand, they’re (close to) homeless usually.
When I asked about him, he mentioned he’s Irish but moved on to tell me about his plans. How he was saving to have a farm, planned what to grow, animals - 15m of quite precise description. His story was his future.
This was striking for me - when asked most people tell you about their past, where they’re coming from. It was the first time I realised that where we’re going should be a bigger part of our story and identity.
I try to keep that conversation in mind as a lesson, and as a reminder to talk to people around.
I think it's mostly the denormalisation of this. Indeed someone just randomly striking a conversation with a stranger will come across as a psycho or a creep. No one wants to be perceived that way.
I hate it when strangers try to talk to me in public (e.g., on public transportation, at work). I absolutely do not care what you have to say, what you do, how your day went, how many pets you have, what your hobbies are, or where you spent your holidays, and at the same time, in no way do I want to share any details about my life, not out of privacy or anxiety of speaking but out of sheer annoyance and indifference. However, most of the time I do not want to insult the person that tries to talk to me in any way, so I just stay silent and try to endure this torturous assault until I find a suitable moment to get away.
A tip from a past life working a customer service / food service job:
Learn a few words in a variety of languages. They are great conversation starters / expanders – I made a lot of actual friendships by talking to people (after taking their orders), asking them where they’re from, and then knowing a few words in their language. Nothing makes people happier than hearing someone speak their native language, no matter how poorly.
This was in a university town, so knowing a couple words in Chinese, Arabic, Hindi, etc. was useful.
Sometimes I want to strike up a conversation but get no reaction or even a dismissive glance and get ignored. It feels like the universe has a script and I went off track.
ok it's a bit late but i think a big part is the non-verbal thing you're putting out.
my story is me and my wife moved to another country a few years ago for my study. after 4 months moving there, she already know and conversed with the people working the apartment and some neighbors. while i mostly just exchanged cursories and nods and glances. then one day we just walked out together and the same people i passed earlier just says hello and converse and stuff with my wife and me. yes she's very much an extrovert but i can see people are way 'more open' and my wife has that too. me on the other hand do have 'i don't want to bother you so please don't bother me' vibe.
One of my best stranger conversations talking to a “Big Issue” [1] seller outside a supermarket. As I understand, they’re (close to) homeless usually.
When I asked about him, he mentioned he’s Irish but moved on to tell me about his plans. How he was saving to have a farm, planned what to grow, animals - 15m of quite precise description. His story was his future.
This was striking for me - when asked most people tell you about their past, where they’re coming from. It was the first time I realised that where we’re going should be a bigger part of our story and identity.
I try to keep that conversation in mind as a lesson, and as a reminder to talk to people around.
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Issue
I used to avoid talking to people because it always turns out to be an argument
Later I realized this is wrong on my part, talking is all about talking, let the vibe continue and don't let it die.
I think it's mostly the denormalisation of this. Indeed someone just randomly striking a conversation with a stranger will come across as a psycho or a creep. No one wants to be perceived that way.